Mother's Day

There were a few years when Mother's Day was a day I wanted to wipe off the calendar. After my first pregnancy ended unexpectedly at 21 weeks, I did not need this day to remind me of what should have been. Each year the feelings of loss, failure and inadequacy all came rushing back and the pain was suddenly fresh again. The first Mother's Day after her death I had no idea how it was going to hit me. It had been 10 months. I went to church that Mother's Day without a clue what it was going to be like. When they started passing out flowers to the mothers, I found myself fleeing to the bathroom. One lady sought me out and gave me a flower. She told me not to forget that I was a mother too. I did not forget, but I made a point of not attending church on Mother's Day again.

When Joanna was born, I starting going again. I still have mixed feelings. I try to make sure I have something for my mom and that Rick gets something for his mom but I don't really expect a lot for myself. This year was nice.

Mother's Day began on Friday when Joanna's school had a Mother's Day tea. The children set the little tables with placemats, vases with flowers, a candle and a place card. There was coffee, tea, cookies, fruit, and bread the children had baked the day before. Each child also made a gift for their mother.



Joanna put her handprint in yellow and signed her name. All the letters are there, just not in the order you would expect.

It was great fun to try and gracefully sit in the tiny chair at the tiny table.

After the tea, each child gave their mother a rose.

On Sunday, Joanna made a card at Sunday school, and during the service she selected a yellow carnation for me. It was all very sweet, but I still remember when it wasn't.

For those of you who face the day with dread, I understand. It's over, take a breath, you've got another 364 days before it comes again. Perhaps the next one will be better.

Laura, mother of Joanna and Megan